The person one wants to become

Ilya Repin: Lev Tolstoy in his Study, 1891

Marcus Aurelius Antoninus begins his ΤΩΝ ΕΙΣ ΕΑΤΟΝ, known in English as Meditations (and in Latin as M. Antonius Imperator Ad Se Ipsum) with a catalogue of the things he has learned from friends, family, and the gods. The longest section is devoted to his adoptive father, Antoninus Pius (whom had himself been adopted by Hadrian). There is a striking passage near the end of the section – ἀλλά πάντα διειλημμένα λελουίσθαι, ὡς ἐπὶ σχολῆς, ἀταράχως, τεταυμένως, ἐρρωμένως, συμφώνως ἑαυτοῖς. The crucial word for me here is σχολῆς a form of the verb σχολάζω which means to have leisure, to have spare time, to have nothing to do. So Marcus Aurelius is saying that his father's good example of how to deal with the demands of being Emperor was to act as if he had nothing to do. I like the phrasing in the Penguin Classics translation by Martin Hammond which reads “everything was allotted its own time and thought, as by a man of leisure - his way was unhurried, organized, vigorous, consistent in all.” The old Loeb translation by C. R. Haines is almost as felicitous: “but everything was considered separately, as by a man of ample leisure, calmly, methodically, manfully, consistently.”

The Emperor is also of course making a statement against the temptation to ‘multi-task’, which puts me in mind of a nice quote from the TV series M*A*S*H: there are a very large number of wounded being delivered to the hospital and there's a hurry to deal with the load, but the newly arrived surgeon from Boston is taking a long time scrubbing up before surgery. When the other surgeons are hurrying him up, he replies, “Gentlemen, I do one thing at a time. I do it very well, and then I move on.”

In the third chapter of two great novels – Resurrection (Воскресение) and Anna Karenina (Анна Каренина) – Tolstoy portrays the morning routine of a member of the Russian ruling class. This excerpt describing Nekhlyudov's morning, after he has lain a while in his crumpled bed, gazing vacantly into space, considering what he has to do that day and what happened the day before:

«Выбрав из десятка галстуков и брошек те, какие первые попались под руку, – когда-то это было ново и забавно, теперь было совершенно все равно, – Нехлюдов оделся в вычищенное и приготовленное на стуле платье и вышел, хотя и не вполне свежий, но чистый и душистый, в длинную с натертым вчера тремя мужиками паркетом столовую с огромным дубовым буфетом и таким же большим раздвижным столом, имевшим что-то торжественное в своих широко расставленных в виде львиных лап резных ножках. На столе этом, покрытом тонкой крахмаленной скатертью с большими вензелями, стояли: серебряный кофейник с пачухим кофе, такая же сахарница, сливочник с кипячеными сливками и корзина с свежим калачом, сухариками и бисквитами. Подле прибора лежали полученные письма, газеты и новая книжка “Revue des deux Mondes”.»

“Picking up from among a dozen neckties and tie-pins the first that came to hand – at one time choosing what to wear had been novel and amusing but now it was a matter of complete indifference to him – Nekhlyudov put on the carefully brushed clothes lying ready on a chair, and, clean now and perfumed if not feeling altogether refreshed, he proceeded to the long dining-room, where three men had laboured the day before to polish the parquetry. The room was furnished with a huge oak sideboard and an equally large extension-table to which widely spaced legs carved in the shape of lions’ paws gave an imposing air. On this table, which was covered with a fine starched cloth with large monograms, stood a silver coffee-pot of fragrant coffee, a silver sugar-bowl, a cream-jug with hot cream, and a bread-basket filled with freshly baked rolls, rusks and biscuits. Beside his plate lay the morning post–letters, newspapers and the latest number of the Revue des Deux Mondes.” This is the Penguin Classics translation by Rosemary Edmonds. I have my quibbles about whether it quite conveys, at least to the modern ear, what is described ... the “rolls” are the round bread circles, the “rusks” are dried or lightly toasted bread, which may be close to the original meaning of rusks but nowadays we probably think of baby rusks, and I guess hot cream is right, literally it says “boiled cream” which was a standard addition to coffee in the 19th Century: according to All About Coffee “Café à la crème, was made by adding boiled cream to strong clear coffee and heating them together.”

Of course Tolstoy would have been able to write this description from his own direct experience as a member of the Russian nobility, but I also suspect that this is something of an idealised portrayal, a description in some sense of how the nobleman’s life should be. Later Nekhlyudov's way of organizing his To-Do list is described: «Дела, занимавшие в это время Нехлюдова, разделялись на три отдела; он сам с своим привычным педантизмом разделил их так и сообразно этому разложил в три портфеля.» ... “The business at present occupying Nekhlyudov could be divided under three headings: this was what he did, in his usual systematic way, and he accordingly grouped his papers in three portfolios.”

There is an increasingly didactic tone in much of Tolstoy's work, but it has its origins in the approach he took to life even at an early age. I am reminded of his idea of writing down the “Rules of Life” as recounted in his autobiographical Youth (Юность):

«и я пошел к себе на верх, сказав St.-Jérôme'у, что иду заниматься, но, собственно, с тем, чтобы до исповеди, до которой оставалось часа полтора, написать себе на всю жизнь расписание своих обязанностей и занятий, изложить на бумаге цель своей жизни и правила, по которым всегда уже, не отступая, действовать.
   
Я достал лист бумаги и прежде всего хотел приняться за расписание обязанностей и занятий на следующий год. Надо было разлиневать бумагу. Но так как линейки у меня не нашлось, я употребил для этого латинский лексикон. Кроме того, что, проведя пером вдоль лексикона и потом отодвинув его, оказалось, что вместо черты я сделал по бумаге продолговатую лужу чернил, -- лексикон не хватал на всю бумагу, и черта загнулась по его мягкому углу. Я взял другую бумагу и, передвигая лексикон, разлиневал кое-как. Разделив свои обязанности на три рода: на обязанности к самому себе, к ближним и к Богу, я начал писать первые, но их оказалось так много и столько родов и подразделений, что надо было прежде написать “Правила жизни”, а потом уже приняться за расписание. Я взял шесть листов бумаги, сшил тетрадь и написал сверху: “Правила жизни”.»

“‘Well, it’s all right, too – you wouldn’t understand,’ I said, and then went up to my room after telling St-Jérôme I was going to study, but actually in the hour and a half left before confession to make a list of my own duties and occupations for the rest of my life, and to commit to paper the purpose of my life and the rules by which I should always act without backsliding.

I got out a sheet of paper, wishing first to make a list of my obligations and activities for the coming year. The paper needed to be lined. Since I couldn’t find a ruler, I used a Latin dictionary instead. But besides leaving an oblong puddle of ink on the paper after I drew my pen along its edge and removed it, the dictionary didn’t reach the whole length of the sheet, and the line curved around its soft corner. I got out another sheet and, by moving the dictionary along it, made lines of a sort. Dividing my obligations into three kinds – to myself, to my family, and to God – I started to list those to myself, but they proved so numerous and of so many kinds and subdivisions that I saw that I would first have to write Rules of Life and only then make the list. I got out six more sheets, bound them together in a booklet, and at the top of the first page wrote Rules of Life.”

Lev Tolstoy, Childhood, Boyhood, Youth (Penguin Classics) (p. 225)

There is an interesting psychology involved in envisioning a better way to live, clarifying those ideas by for example writing them down, and then acting in accordance with them. In a sense by pretending to be the person you want to be, you are on the path to becoming the person you want to be.

„Gewiß, es kann auch neurotisch sein, die eigene Verwundbarkeit verheimlichen zu wollen. Das habe ich zweifellos oft getan, am öftesten in den frühen Jahren, in denen man leicht dazu neigt, sich so zu verhalten, als ob man in der Tat schon jener wäre, der man werden will.“ Manès Spreber, Die Vergebliche Warnung. All das Vergangene ... S.37

“Certainly, a desire to conceal one’s own vulnerabilities can also be neurotic. I have no doubt that I have frequently done so, most often in my early years, a time when one tends to behave as though one already were the person one wants to become.” Manès Sperber, The Unheeded Warning, p32.